Why You Procrastinate Without Realising

You’re not always procrastinating.

Sometimes, you’re avoiding a feeling without realising it.

Part of you wants to do something.

Another part ushers you away.

You know when you've planned to do something, only to find yourself on your phone instead?

Doing an unnecessary task?

Distracted by something else?

You don't remember consciously choosing to do it. You just become aware that you're doing something entirely different from what you intended.

It's an almost imperceptible shift in attention.

And understanding why this happens can help you recognise what's really keeping you from taking action.

Why do we procrastinate even when we want to do something?

When you contemplate doing something important, unfamiliar or difficult, your mind may anticipate an uncomfortable experience.

Fear.

Anxiety.

Uncertainty.

Boredom.

Physical discomfort.

Perhaps you're about to start a project and anticipate discovering that you don't know what you're doing.

Maybe you need to have a difficult conversation and anticipate conflict.

Or you've committed to exercising, but the thought of the physical discomfort makes staying where you are more appealing.

Before you've even begun, your mind is anticipating an experience you'd rather not have.

And suddenly, other activities become more attractive.

You reach for your phone.

Remember something that needs tidying.

Check your emails.

Start another task.

You might know this as procrastination.

But sometimes, what's happening is experiential avoidance.

What is experiential avoidance?

Experiential avoidance is an attempt to escape, suppress or control unwanted internal experiences.

These experiences might include uncomfortable emotions, thoughts, memories, sensations or urges.

It's something we all do to varying degrees.

You feel anxious about a conversation, so you postpone it.

You feel uncertain about a decision, so you keep researching.

You anticipate boredom or frustration, so you find something more stimulating.

You anticipate physical discomfort, so you delay exercising.

The important point is that you may not be avoiding the task itself.

You may be avoiding the internal experience you expect to encounter when doing it.

And because shifting your attention elsewhere can reduce that discomfort, avoidance can become an increasingly familiar response.

Why procrastination can look like productivity

One of the difficulties with experiential avoidance is that it doesn't always look like distraction.

Sometimes, it looks like productivity.

You pick up a DIY job instead of having the difficult conversation.

Check your email instead of starting the project.

Research another solution instead of making a decision.

Organise your workspace instead of beginning the work.

You're doing something.

You might even be doing something useful.

But the activity is taking you away from what you originally intended to do.

Being busy doesn't necessarily mean you're doing what matters.

And this is where understanding the function of your behaviour becomes important.

The difference between procrastination and experiential avoidance

Procrastination describes delaying an intended action.

Experiential avoidance describes an attempt to escape or control an unwanted internal experience.

The two can overlap.

But they're not interchangeable.

You can procrastinate for several reasons, including competing priorities, poor planning, fatigue or difficulty sustaining attention.

Experiential avoidance offers another explanation: you're delaying an action because of the discomfort associated with it.

Consider two people checking their emails.

One has deliberately allocated time to respond to important messages.

The other has an uncomfortable project to begin and finds themselves repeatedly refreshing their inbox.

The behaviour looks the same.

But its function may be different.

One person is completing an intended task.

The other may be using that task to escape the discomfort of beginning something else.

The behaviour itself doesn't tell you whether you're avoiding.

It's the function of the behaviour that matters.

Are you doing it because you've chosen to?

Or because it provides relief from an uncomfortable internal experience?

Why avoidance becomes a habit

Experiential avoidance can be difficult to recognise because it often works in the short term.

You contemplate doing something uncomfortable.

An unpleasant feeling appears.

You turn your attention elsewhere.

The discomfort decreases.

You experience relief.

The original task hasn't disappeared, but you've temporarily escaped the experience associated with it.

And that relief can reinforce the behaviour.

The next time you encounter a similar situation, distraction becomes an increasingly familiar option.

Over time, the shift can happen so automatically that you barely recognise it.

You intended to start work.

Now you're scrolling.

You intended to have the conversation.

Now you're doing something around the house.

You intended to make the decision.

Now you're researching another possibility.

You didn't necessarily make a deliberate decision to avoid.

Your attention moved towards something that offered an easier immediate experience.

How to stop avoiding uncomfortable tasks

The answer isn't necessarily more motivation.

Nor is it eliminating the uncomfortable feeling before you begin.

You can start by recognising what's happening.

1. Notice the shift in attention

When you become aware that you're doing something other than what you intended, stop for a moment.

Rather than criticising yourself, observe what's happening.

I'm noticing the urge to do something other than what I intended.

This creates an opportunity to respond intentionally rather than automatically continuing the distraction.

2. Identify what you're avoiding

Ask yourself:

What might I experience if I return to the task?

Anxiety?

Uncertainty?

Boredom?

Frustration?

Fear of failure?

Physical discomfort?

You don't need to find a perfect explanation.

The purpose is to become curious about the internal experience that might be influencing your behaviour.

3. Separate the urge from the action

An urge is an internal experience.

It doesn't have to determine what you do next.

You can notice the urge to check your phone without checking it.

Feel reluctant to exercise without abandoning your plans.

Feel anxious about a conversation without postponing it.

Feel uncertain about a decision without researching indefinitely.

The presence of an urge doesn't make following it necessary.

4. Return to the behaviour that matters

Once you've noticed what's happening, reconnect with your original intention.

Why did you want to do this?

What makes it important?

What would taking the next step look like?

Then begin.

Open the document.

Make the call.

Start the conversation.

Put your shoes on.

Make the decision.

You don't need to wait until the discomfort disappears.

You can take action while experiencing it.

You don't have to feel ready to begin

There's an important distinction between wanting to do something and wanting to experience everything associated with doing it.

You might genuinely want to improve your health while not wanting to experience the effort of exercising.

Want to strengthen your relationship while fearing an uncomfortable conversation.

Want to grow your business while feeling anxious about rejection.

Want to make a decision while disliking uncertainty.

These experiences can coexist.

You don't have to eliminate one before acting on the other.

You can feel reluctant and take action.

Feel anxious and talk about it.

Feel uncertain and decide.

Feel uncomfortable and do what matters.

The next time you find yourself distracted by something you never intended to do, consider what you might be moving away from.

Not just the task.

The feeling you expect to experience when doing it.

Then remind yourself:

You don't need to feel ready.

You don't need the urge to disappear.

You don't need to remove the discomfort.

The aim isn't to remove discomfort.

It's to stop allowing discomfort to decide for you.